



P s 

655 

r9HQ49 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



SHARPS # flats! 






.A. r^^i^I^OE 






-BY- 



ARRIA S, HUNTINGTON. 



.PR 1 1896 






PRICE 25 CENTS 



Syi?ACL/SF, AT. Y. 



E. C. JOHNSON, PUBLISHER. 
421 & 422 KIRK BLOCK. 



SHARPS P.^^ FLATS 



.^^ P^-^^ilROE 



I APR 1 1896/ 

ARRIA S. HUNTINGTON. 



SYI^ACUSE, M. Y. 



E. C. JOHNSON, PUBLISHER, 
42J & 422 KIRK BLOCK. 






TMP96-0C65^6 



SHARPS AND FLATS. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



Mrs. 


Smith. 




Mrs. 


Brown, her 


mother. 


Mrs. 


NOTT. 




Mrs. 


Prime. 




-Mrs. 


Maynard. 




Miss. 


Riverton. 




AtJNT 


Dorcas. 




Bridget. 





Scene.— I. A Parlor. 

Mrs. Smith and her Mother. 

Mother. Where are you going so early, Carrie? 

3fr8. Smith. I am starting- for New York to look for a Flat. 

Mother. Wait a minute, I have an advertisement here I 
cut out on purpose to show you. 

Mrs. S. Let me look at it, it is hard to find just what you 
want from Real Estate Agents. 

Mother. Let me see, this is it {reads filoivly) "For three 
persons, two level cups of sugar, beat — 

3Irs. S. Oh motherl that's a receipt for pudding-sauce. 

Mother. So it is— wait a minute I've got it now [reads] 
"Light, free from dust," no! that's a rule for putting up furs. 
Here this must be the thing ; (reads-) -'Valuable for a small 



4 SHARPS AND FLATS 

family, always in hot water, noI that's a rule for soft soap — 
Now I have it, [reads) "To rent, line suite, of apartments. 
No. 5 Columbia Flats— fashionable neighborhood, elevator, 
steam heat, electricity. Rent moderate," 

Mrs. S. That's just the thingl I will go at once and 
look at them and if they prove what I want I will engage 
them. 

Mother. Oh Carrie, I don't like to have you move into 
them w^hile your husband is away. 

Mrs. 8. Why not ? 

Mother. Because you are so young, and there is always so 
much gossip in those large Apartment Houses; every one 
knows other people's affairs. 

Mrs. 8. Nonsense, m.other ! I can take care of myself 
and keep my own counsel. Besides I know they are all nice 
respectable couples in the Flats. 

Mother. It does seem unfortunate for you to move just as 
Mr. Smith is called away. 

Mrs. 8. But it is very urgent business and he cannot tell 
when he will return. 

Mother. It is sure to cause remark. 

Mrs. 8. It can't be helped. A newspaper man is at the 
service of the public and Mr. Smith has gone away on a very 
important matter. You know he is on the "T2wes" and he 
is so ambitious to be promoted, 

2Iother. I am sure I hope he will come home soon. 

Mrs. 8. Don't worry, you shall hear from me. 

Mother. I am sorry I cannot be with you but if you are in 
any trouble send for Aunt Dorcas. 

3frs. 8. Good-bye, write me at No. 5 Columbia Flats. 

Scene 2. Mrs. Smith's Flat. 

Mrs. Smith and Bridget. 

Mrs. 8. Bridget, where is the postman? 

Bridget. Sure an I don't know ^vhire he is, mam. [Exit L) 

Mrs. 8. Bridget! 



SHARPS AND FLATS 5 

Bridget. Yes mam! {Meenters L.) 

Mrs. S. Its very strange I have not any letter this 
morning-. 

Bridget. What did ye say? 

Mrs. S. The postman must have gone by with out bring- 
ing me a letter. 

Bridget. Dade and there's a letter there on the table. 

Mrs. S. Did not I ask you if there was a letter? 

Bridget. No mam, you asked me whire was the postman, 
and how should I know whire he is? he left that letter while 
you was eating breakfast. 

3frs. S. How can you be so stupid, let me have it. [Exit 
Bridget L) From Mr. Smith . {reads) 

Dear Carrie :- 

Hope you are nearly fixed. Uncertain when 
I shall return. Very important business. But keep dark. I am 
here to report a mysterious mvu'der case. The facts have not 
yet come out. It will thrill the public. The murderer cannot 
be found. If I get it in the ^^Times^^ ahead of the ^'-Trihune^^ 
It will make my fortune. No other reporter has got wind of 
it yet. One of the "T-nfeime" men live at Columbia Flats, at 
least I have seen him going there. Now don't breathe a word 
that will lei him know where I am. Don't even let folks find 
out you are Mrs. Crawford Smith, for they might ask ques- 
tions. People pry so in those Flats. To prevent suspicion, 
don't give my address. You can hear of me through one of 
the fellows at the office. He will bring news. This is a big 
thing I have got now and no mistake. Keep well and don't 
worry, there's a darling. 

Your affect. 

Crawford. 

This is unlucky! How inconsiderate men are. Here I am 
all alone among total strangers and I can't tell anyone 
where my husband has gone or even what his first name 
is! How shall I face the neighbors if they call? One thing 
I am determined on, I won't tell anv lies even to make 



6 SHARPS AND FLATS 

Crawford's fortune. I guess I can keep my mouth shut, 
though. Why I don't even know myself where he is! No 
address, and I can't make out the post-mark. Pshaw! I 
believe he cares more for that newspaper than he does for 
me! Well I must begin with Bridget. Bridget! 

{Enter Bridget.) Yes mam ! 

Mrs. S. If anybody asks you Mr. Smith 's name, say Mr. 
C. Smith, that's enough. 

B. All right. 

Mrs. S. And if Lhey ask where he has gone — 

B. I'll tell em its none of their business. 

Mrs. S. Oh no! Tell them he is travelling — 

B. Yes, in Canada, mam? 

Mrs. S. No, no Bridget, how can you I {aside,) (and to 
think I doi't know whei'e he is! How it does sound!) All. 
t'is, Bi'idget, don't gossip about my affairs to anybody. 

jB. Gossip indadel That's the last thing I'd do. Haven't 
I been tilling the janitor this blessed mornin', how long I'd 
lived with you and what nice folks ye was, and how Mr. 
Crawford, I mean Mr. Smith was an illigant gintleman. and 
travelling away, nobody knows where jist for pleasure and 
how ye cried your eyes out for him every night — 

Mrs. ^'. There that'll do— 

B. —And how he went away so sudden, without sayin' 
good-bye — 

Mrs. S. Stop, Bridget I forbid you to talk to anyone a- 
bout Mr. Smith, or me. 

B. Not a word, will I say. Exit L. 

3frs. S. Oh! what shall I do! How could Mr. Smith leave 
me in such a predicament. Well as I told mother I can take 
care of myself and I uill hold my tongue. 

Scene 3. Mrs. Smithes Flat. 

Mrs. Smith, (Enter Bridget.) 
Bridget. A lady to see you mam. 



SHARPS AND FLATS 7 

[Enter Mrs. Kott, R. Exit Bridget, L.) 

3frs. Nott. I heard there was a family in No. 5, so I ran 
in to g-et acquainted. 

Mrs. S. [aside) Now for it! Well I'll do the best I can. 
{(doud) I am sure you are veiy kind. 

Mrs. Nott. You look so young, I think you must be a 
bride. 

Mrs. S. Oh no I I have been married six months. 

Mrs. Nott. Only six months! then of course your hus- 
band is still perfectly devoted to you, I have not seen him 
yet. 

Mrs. S. No, he is not in, that is he is out of town, just 
at present. 

Mrs. Nott. Oh! is he a travelling- man? 

Mrs: S. Well, not exactly. 

Mrs. Nott. Then I suppose, it is some very important 
business. 

3Irs. S. (aside) Why does she say that ? Perhaps her 
husband is the Tribune reporter. I don't dare to ask [cdoud) 
Why yes I suppose it is important. 

Mrs. Nott. Of course he writes to you every day. 

Mrs. S. No he is busy, and — and moving about and I ex- 
pect him soon. 

Mrs. Nott. (aside) She seems very confused. There is some- 
thing queer. I guess I'll drop the subject (aloud) Come and 
see me Mrs. Smith. We are all very neighborly in the Plats, 
I often say we are like one great family. 

3£rs. S. Oh that is delightful I am sure, [aside) Horrors! 
what shall I do with so many kind neighbors? 

Mrs. Nott. I will show you my children, five little dai-lings. 

Mrs. 8. So kind! good morning, good morning. [Exit 3Irs. 
Nott. J?.) that's over and I have got through vei-y well. Oh 
another! [Bridget shows in Mrs. Prime. R.) 

Mrs. P. 1 am so impatient to make your acquaintance. I 
thought you might be old friends of mine. I knew a Mr. 
Christopher Smith once. But I see your name is only Mrs. 



8 SHARPS AND FLATS 

C. Smith on the door. 
Mrs. S. Yes. 

Mrs. P. I was asking- Mr. Prime what Mr. Smith's first 
name was, but he did not know. 
Mrs. S. No? 

Mrs. P. What does C. stand for? 
Mrs. S. Oh my name is Carrie. 
Mrs. P. Then you have no husband? 

Mrs. S. Oh yes I have, what made you think I 'had not 
any husband? 

Mrs. P. Don't be put out. I thought it was singular I did 
not see any man about the Flats, 
Mrs. S. He's gone away just now. 
Where is he? 
Away on business. 
But cohere is he? 
I don't know just where he is now. He moves 



Mrs. 


P. 


Mrs. 


S. 


Mrs. 


P. 


Mrs. 


s. 


about i 


30 . 


Mrs. 


P. 


Mrs. 


8. 


Mrs. 


IP. 


Mrs. 


S. 


Mrs. 


P. 



Traveling man? 
No. 

I suppose you are used to being alone. 
Used to it, Oh no! 

{aside) Evidently there's a mystery. Probably, 
Smith has deserted her, I must get to the bottom of this. 
{aloud) Mrs. Smith if you have any trouble confide in me. 
Mrs. S. I don't know what you mean. 
Mrs. P. I am secresy itself, just tell me the cause of your 
unhappiness. 
Mrs. S. Unhappiness! 

Mrs. P. It is plain there is something wrong. 
3Irs. S. Wrong ? 

Mrs. P. Appearances are very strange. 
Mrs. IS. How dare you ? 

Mrs. P. I can see through a stone wall. But yon mean 
to keep your own counsel. Never mind when you want a 
friend come to No. 10. Excuse my plain speaking, I am 



SHARPS AND FLATS 9 

always straight forward. You are very young, Mrs. Smith. 

Mrs. S. If you were not an old lady — 

Mrs. P. An old lady, That will do! What impertinence I 
Good morning Mrs. C. Smith. 

Scene 4. Mrs. Maynard's Flat. 

Mks. Maynard, Mrs. Nott, Mrs. Prime, Miss Riverton. 

Mrs. Maynard. Have any of you seen our new neighbor ? 

All. Mrs. Smith? 

Mrs. M. What is the matter ? 

Mrs. Nott, I never talk about people, but I could say a 
great deal, couldn't you, Mrs. Prime? 

Mrs. Prime. I am afraid there are some broken hearts 
in No. 5. 

Miss Biverton. Do tell us what you know. 

Mrs. M. I really think you ought to tell us, Mrs. Nott. 

MrSy N. Oh I don't know very much. 

Mrs. P. Its a very serious business for poor Mrs. Smith . 

Miss B. Oh tell us Mrs. Nott. 

All. Yes do tell. 

Mrs. N. Will you promise never to breathe it to a living 
soul? 

All Yes, yes. 

Mrs. M. Of course I must tell my husband. 

Mrs. N. And I. 

Mrs. P. And I. 

Mrs. M. My husband does not like me to repeat gossip. 

All. Oh gossip! why we never gossip. 

Mrs. P. I say, you ought to know what a villain, Mr. 
Smith is. 

All. Villain ! 

Mrs. P. Yes villain, wretch, no wonder his wife is un- 
happy. 

Miss B. Is she unhappy ? 



10 SHARPS AND FLATS 

Mrs. P. She must he unhappy, or at any rate she ought 
to be. 

Mrs. M. But tell us what you know Mrs. Nott. 

Mrs. N. The other evening- 1 was sitting up late alone — 

Mrs. M, Where was Mr. Nott ? 

Mrs. K. He was at the club. Suddenly' I heard a step on 
the side walk below and thought lie was coming home so I 
ran to listen. While I was waiting I heard some one call 
poor Mrs. Smith's name, I thought she would not hear him 
so I was going to call her, and then I heard her voice, and 
so, so — 

Mrs. P. Of course, you thought is was your duty to listen 
and find out what was going on. 

Mrs. N. Well I don't exactly call it Usteniny, I did over 
hear something. 

3Irs. P. I should think so ! 

All. What was it ? 

Mrs. N. Won't you ever tell ? 

All. Oh, never, never! 

Miss B. Who was it ? 

Mrs. N. It was a man's voice. 

3Irs. P. Tell them what he said. 

3frs. N. He said only this, No neics yet, but they are on 
the track. 

3Iiss E. Was that all ? 

Mrs. N. I thought Mrs. Smith made some i eply as if she 
was greatly relieved, but the man went away. The next 
evening he came again. 

Mrs. M. Have you any idea who it was ? 

M7-S. N. He said something about the office, I tJiink he 
was a detective. 

Mrs. P. Of coui'se he had been set to follow up Mr. Smith 

3Irs. K. The next night I happened to be near the speak- 
ing tube — 

3£rs. P. It was your duty to find out what was going on. 

Mrs. N. So I thought. Well, the man said "They are 



SHARPS AND FLATS. 11 

still in pursuit, you will soon hear something important." 

Mrs. M. That does sound strange. 

Mrs, N. Mrs. Smith said something about being kept in 
suspense so long and that she could not stand it much longer. 

Miss. B. I am sorry for her. It seems very plain that she 
is in great trorble. 

Mrs. P. Why she confessed to me that she did not know 
where lier husband was, and she seemed confused when I ask- 
ed Her. I gave her a chance to tell me all but she was very 
close. 

Mrs. M. It does seem odd that she should not be able to 
tell where he is gone. 

Mrs. W. She told me that she did not hear from him. 

3Iiss. B. Perhaps he has run away and left her. 

Mrs. M. Perhaps he's sick or out of his mind. 

Mrs. P. Then she would know where he is. 

Mrs. M. It looks as if there was some awful mystery! 

Mrs. P. I don't think we can associate with her unless 
she is willing to explain. 

3Irs. N. We have always been so united here in the Flats. 

Mrs. M. Yes and lived like sisters. 

Miss. B. I think it is very exciting 

Mrs. M. Oh Dolly how can you? Would you like to be a 
deserted wife? 

Mrs. P. But you don't any of you know the, worst. 

All. Is there any thing Avorse? 

Mrs. P. Of course, we have proof what Mr. Smith is. 

Mrs. N. I don't know as I ought to tell. 

All. Oh yes. you must, Mrs. Nott. 

Mrs. N. Well it may not be very honorable, but with such 
people harbored under our roof, I think anything is justi- 
fiable. 

Mrs. P. Mrs. Scott, you owe it to all of us to read, 
that postal-card— 

Mrs. M. Postal-card? 

Mrs. N. This card was brought to my room by mistake. 



4& SHARPS AND FLATS 

I am just taking it to Mrs. Smith but I glanced at it first. 

Mrs. P. Not knowing it was for her. 

Mrs. N. When I saw Smith on it 1 looked to see if it was 
from her husband, I knew the poor thing would be so happy 
to hoar from him again. 

Miss R. Was it from Mr. Smith? 

Mrs. N. No it was signed Brown. 

Mrs. P. I am- sure that was the detective that was here 
the other night. 

All. And what did it say, don't keep us in suspence ! 

Mrs. Nott. It is something dreadful. 

Mrs. P. And perfectly conclusive. 

Mrs. Nott. It is plain that her husband has been arrested 

Mrs. P. Probably he is in jail now — 

Mrs. M. For what ? 

Miss R. Perhaps for murder, who knows ? 

Mrs. M. What does the card say ? 

Mrs. Nott. {reads) Dear Mrs. Smith, Could not call last 
night, but I expect to hear any moment that the criminal 
is apprehended. 

All. Poor thing ! poor thing ! There can be no doubt 
now what her trouble is. 



.A.CT II- 

SCENE 1. Parlor in Mrs. Smithes Flat. 

Mrs. Prime and Bridget. 

Mrs. P. Hush I I came to inquire for poor dear Mrs. 
Smith. How is she supported? 
Bridget. Supported? By Mr. Smith. 

Mrs. P. No, no! I mean how does she bear her affliction? 
Bridget. Sure she's not afflicted wid anythin, barrin her 



SHARPS AND P^LATS 13 

inquisitive neighbors. 

Mrs. P. I see you've been taug-ht to keep the family 
secrets. But mark my word it will all come out soon! 

Bridget. 1 wish Mrs. Smith would come out and find ye 
prying and whisperin here, bad luck to ye I Sure here she is! 
[Enter Mrs. Smith. L.) 

Mrs. S. Good morning Mrs. Prime. Did you want any- 
thing so early in the morning? 

Mrs. P. I came to borrow a little baking powder, for we 
are all out and I did not feel like going to the store. 

Mrs. S. Bridget, get Mrs, Prime what she wants! {Exit B.) 

Mrs. P. How badly you look! I am sure you did not sleep 
a wink last night! 

Mrs. S. Oh yes I slept very well. 

Mrs. P. Have you seen last night's paper? 

Mrs. S. No, was there anything special in itV 

Mrs. P. [aside) Now I have roused her. {aloud) Only some 
reports of criminals and arrests. 

Mrs. S. Oh, in what part of the country ? 

Mrs. P. {aside) I thought so. She is trying not to let me 
see how excited she is. I must be careful, (aloud) Well I 
did not notice. I never take much interest in such things, 
do you Mrs. Smith ? 

Mrs. S. Oh, yes I always read the telegraphic news. You 
know when your husband is — Stops confused. 

Mrs. P. Oh, yes when your husband is away from home 
on mysterious business. 

Mrs. S. I only meant to say when your husband takes an 
interest in news it is natural his wife should too. 

Mrs. P. Oh, yes, very natural, I suppose you have heard 
from Mr. Smith. 

Mrs. S. Well, not directly. But I expect him home soon. 

Mrs. P. Oh, you do ? {aside) Now that must be a fib. 
(aloud) Why don't you go about a little ? The ladies were 
talking about it yesterday. It seems a pity you are not 
more feociable. If Mr. Smith were here we might get up a 



14 SHARPS AND FLATS 

quiet g-ame of whist among- ourselves, but with him away it 
seems rather awkward. 

Mrs. S. T don't care for comjDany Mrs. Prime, [aside] 
This odious woman, why does she not go ? 
( Enter Bridget L. ] 

Bridget. Here's the baking- powder, and the grocery boy 
is pounding- away at your elevator dreadful. Mam, T can 
hear him talkin and scoldin ! 

Mrs. P. Oh, dear I must run a;id give him my orders ! 
Good morning Mrs. Smith. Exit. 

B. Did I not say. I'd get rid of her? She'd have stayed 
here all the whole morning, prying and asking- questions. 
Deed, and the grocer boy is gone by this time, for I tipped 
him the wink just to plague her, she's always botherin his 
life out, forgettin things and calling him back, and askin 
whether Mrs, Nott has ordered chickens to-day and how 
many pounds of meat Mrs. Maynard takes. Oh, she's a ter- 
rible one to find out things ! Exit L. 

Mrs. S. How I wish I had some person T could talk to ! I 
believe I will send for Aunt Dorcas. I don't dare to confide 
in any of the ladies in the house because I don't know which 
one may be married to that Reporter Mr. Smith has warned 
me about. There is Dolly Riverton, though, she is safe, for 
she has not any husband. I wish I could talk to har. I am 
sure the ladies think it so queer about Mr. Smith, and I 
should like to tell her the truth. 

Scene 2.— Parlor in 3Irs. Sinith's Flat. 

Mrs. Smith. [Enter Miss Riverton.) 

Mrs. Smith. Oh, Miss Riverton, you are just the friend I 
wanted. 

3Iiss B. I was afraid you were lonesome so I brought my 
work dovm. 

3Irs. S. That is so kind of you. 

Miss B. You ought to go out more, you look so pale, Mrs. 



SHARPS AND FLATS 15 

Smith! 

3Irs. S. The fact is I stay in because I hope to get news 
of Mr. Smith any minute. 

Miss B. Oh, that is dreadful, how you must feel 1 

Mrs. S. Why? 

Miss R. Weil, I don't know, but all the ladies say— 
■ Mrs. S. What do they say V 

Miss B. That your husband has done something horrible 
and run away. 

Mrs. S. It is all that meddlesome Mrs. Prime. 

Miss B. No, Mrs. Nott heard something about— about — 

Mrs. S. About what V 

Miss B. A criminal and being arrested. 

Mrs. S. Oh I that is the worst yet! So they think that 
poor M. Smith has got into trouble.^ Well, it is no more than 
I expected. Dolly, if you will promise not to tell those 
interfering people, I will confide in you. 

Miss B. Please do, I am sure it is something exciting ! 

Mrs. S. It is nothing at all, only my husband is a reporter 
on the " Times " and he is following up a mybterious case. 

Miss B. Then he is not a criminal himself '? 

Mrs. S. Of course not. I expect him home soon and you 
will see that Crawford is not an escaped convict. I believe 
Mrs. P. thinks he is a Boodle Alderman at the very least. 

Miss B. Mrs. Prime would take away the character of her 
best friend. 

Mrs. S. Oh, she is a dreadful woman ; but don't tell her 
anything yet. 

Miss B. No, she will be mortified enough when she hears 
what her suspicions amounted to. 

Mrs. S. And so will the other ladies, I hope. 

ScEN-c]. 3. — Same as Scene 2. 

Mrs. Smith and Bridget. 
Mrs. S. Bridget, who were you talking to just now ? 



16 Sharps and Flats 

B. Mrs. Prime called at the door to return the baking 
powder and she was jist askin was that Mr. Smith she heard 
talking- to you last night, she said she was sure it was a man's 
voice. 

Mrs. S. That woman is intolerable. What did you say ? 

B. I said it was a book agent, mam. 

Mrs. S. Bridget, how could you ? It was nothing of the 
sort, it was a pleasant gentleman and he said he was an old 
friend of Mr. Smith's. 

B. He may be a friend of Mr. Smith's, but mark my 
words, he came here to find out something. 

Mrs. S. Find out something ? Oh, no, he only asked 
quite accidentally whether my husband was still connected 
with a newspaper. 

B. And then he went away ? 

Mrs. S. Why, not immediately. He said he supposed 
Mr. Smith was trusted with very important business, and I 
said yes, and then he asked quite confidentially if I heard 
him say what he was after, but he laughed and said he 
guessed Mr. Smith did not tell his wife everything. 

B. And what did you say ? 

Mrs. S. Why, that made me indignant, and I told him I 
knew all about his business, and that he was following up a 
very strange affair, and then he said it would be queer if it 
was like a case he had heard of down in Virginia where they 
could not find the murderer. And I said, this was down 
in Virginia, but I had reason to believe they had found the 
murderer or thej'^ would very soon. 

B. And then what did he do ? 

Mrs. S. Why, he said good night, but was very sorry not 
to see his old friend Crawford, and he told me he might be 
down in Virginia soon and he would look him up. 

B. And this morning he sent those flowers ? 

Mrs. S. Yes, with a card saying he sent them for old ac- 
quaintance sake, and if I heard from Crawford soon to be 
sure and let him know. 



SHARPS AND FLATS. 17 

B. Deed, and he's after something-, dipind upon it! 

Mrs. S. Why, what would he want? he was just passing- 
through the city and happened to call by chance. 

B. Passin through ? Sure as my name's Bridget Flana- 
gan I've seen him in and out of this building- times and agin. 

3Irs. S. Oh, Bridget, did I do wrong- to tell him about 
Mr. Smith's affairs ? 

B. Faith an it. takes me to see through him ! Whin he 
called agin today I says, says I, she's not at home, she's sent 
for out of town suddin, to her husband, that's took sick in 
Colorady. 

3frs. S. Oh, Bridget, what a ridiculous story ! I don't be- 
lieve he listened to a word of it ! 

B. Anyway I don't want him agin round here while Mr. 
Smith's away. He's comin for no good. It may be the 
spoons he has his eyes on I 

3Irs. 8, I wish ycu would leave me to attend to my own 
affairs. You take too great liberties, and presume on hav- 
ing- lived in the family so long. 

B. Deed, and whin you was married did not your mother 
say "now, Bridget, you go along with Miss Carrie, cause 
she's that innocent, her and poor Mr. Smith will be like the 
babes in the woods if somebody don't take care of em !" 

3Irs. S. Never mind that now ! I am a married woman 
and quite capable of managing my own affairs. I have dig- 
nity enough to hold my own, I hope, with any one. 

B. Yis'm, and that's Mrs. Prime and Mrs. Scott I hear 
outside — shall I let 'm in ? 

Mrs. 8. Oh, no ! Tell them I'm very particularly en- 
gaged this morning, and Bridget— and Bridget, if you see 
that strange man around again perhaps its just as well to 
say that I am not receiving callers to-day. 

B. Yis'm I'll be up to him and the ladies too. 

Scene 4:,— Mrs. Smith's Flat. 

Mrs. Smith. [Enter Miss Riverton. ) 



18 Sharps and Flats 

3fiss B. Mrs. Smith, I invited you tn dine with me this 
evening-, but I have come to say that I have been obliged to 
defer that pleasure. 

Mrs. S. Why, has anything- happened ? 

Miss a. 1 am sorry to say, Mrs. Smith, that I have been 
deceived completely. 

Mrs. S. In what ? 

3Hss R. In you. 

Mrs. tS. In me, how ? 

Miss B. I thoug-ht you were a nice quiet person and I was 
sorry for yon, but now thut I hear — 

Mrs. S. Oh, Mrs. Prime has been making- trouble I sup- 
pose I 

Miss B. Mrs. Prime told me first, but I would not believe 
her when she said you were entertaining- gentlemen visitors, 
then she said that she could disclose thing-s that would sur- 
prise me, but I would not listen. Rut when I looked over the 
banisters and saw a certain g-entleman actually leave flowers, 
which I thoug-ht he was bring-ing- to me, at your door, and 
there they are ! you can't deny it. Oh, such treachery ! I 
would not have believed it ! 

Mrs. S. Why, do you know that g-entleman ? 

Miss B. You n ust have been aware that he is eng-ag-ed to 
me. 

Mrs. S. Engaged to you ? I thought he was a stranger in 
the city, a friend of Mr. Smith's. 

3Iiss B. It is very well to pretend, but how did you get 
cquainted with him V 

3Irs. S. Why, he called one evening, 

Miss B. Yes. one evening when he was going to take me 
out and then made an excuse and hurried away and came 
here and spent the evening. Oh, I know ! for Mrs. Prime 
saw him come in. 

3£rs. 8. Of course she did. She is always up to some mis- 
chief making. 

3Ess B. You cnn't deny it, and those flowers I saw him 



SHARPS AND FLATS 19 

with my own eyes buy that bouquet at the corner store and 
come over here with it, and he left it for you ! Oh, it is too 
much, too much ! 

Mrs. S. I am sure I am very sorry — 

Miss B. Sorry ! Well, I have broken the engagement. I 
have written that I have discovered his perfidy in time and 
I never waut to speak to you again. This ends it [breal^s 
into tears.) 

[Bridget hrings a letter, R.) 

Mrr. S. Excuse me. It is from my husband. [Beads it.) 
Oh, Dolly, what have I done ! 

[Aloud)— Dear Carrie : — 

You have ruined me. How could you let out 
where I was ? Jenkins, of the " Tribune, ^^ is here and I have 
good reason to know that he found from you where I had 
gone and all about the case. I thought I warned you to keep 
mum. It seems pretty hard on your unlucky 

Crawford. 
P. S. — I'll try and forgive you. 

Miss R. Jenkins. Why, Jenkins is my young man. 

Mrs. 8. Is he a ^^ Tribune ^^ reporter? Then he came 
here to find out all about Mr. Smith. How could he have got 
on the track ? 

Miss R. Why, I told him about Mr. Smith and the story 
of the mysterious murder. [ never thought there was any 
harm. He did not tell me he was going down there himself. 

Mrs. S. Oh, don't trust any man ! Think how he came 
here and flattered me into telling my husband's secrets and 
mining his chance, and sent me those flowers [throws them on 
the floor) just to wheedle more out of me. 

Miss R. Those flowers; so he was not making love to you 
after all ? 

Mrs. S. Making love, do you think I would let him, you 
little goose ! but Crawford will never forgive me ! 

Miss R. And I have written Mr. Jenkins such a letter and 
broken the engagement. He will never forgive me. Oh, 



20 SHARPS AND FLATS 

my heart is broken ! 
3frs. S. And so is mine. 

{Enter Mrs. Prime, B.) 
Mrs. P. Something very exciting- must have happened. 



.^^OT III. 



Scene. l.~Mrs. Smith's Flat. 

Mrs Smith. [Bridget shows in Aunt Dorcas.) 

Aunt. I am clear beat out climbing them stairs. 

3frs. S. Why Aunt Dorcas why did you not take the 
elevator? 

Aunt I'm scared to death of such new fangled contri- 
vances. I declare I'm all out of breath. 

Mrs. S. Oh Aunt Dorcas, I am so glad to see you. 

Aunt. Let me look at you. Why you are kind of peaked! 
You ain't frettin about Crawford are you ? 

Mrs. S. Not exactly, but I was getting lonesome here. 

Aunt. Well you have got nice rooms but don't it seem 
sort of contracted all living on one floor ? 

Mrs. S. Oh we get used to it. 

Aunt. I brought my baggage right along with me. Your 
Uncle Silas he says, Dorcas don't let nobody get hold of your 
things, there're a set of sharpers down there in New York 
I've heard, so you look out and keep your head on your 
shoulders. 

Mrs. S. How did you find the house V 

Aunt. For pity's sake, can't I speak the English language? 
I travelled right along on foot from the station and when I 
come to a street corner I asked the way. They all seemed 



SHARPS AND f^LATS 21 

dreadful tickled about something-. I don't see nothing- un- 
common in an old lady from the country inquirin the direc- 
tion, but not a critter could tell whether it was a mile or a 
half mile, it was always so many blocks. 

Mrs. S, I am glad you found it all right. Now take off 
your bonnet and tell me all the news. 

Aunt. There ain't nothing- wonderful to talk about. Your 
Uncle Silas he's generally complainin with the rheumatis 
and the old red cow is dead. I brought you dow^n some yarbs. 
I thought if you was poorly you might like a little boneset 
tea. It is splendid to take in the Spring of the year. 

Mrs. S. Oh thank you. Auntie, now that you have come I 
shan't need any medicine. 

Aunt. What makes you so down hearted? Alnt you got 
good kind neighbors? 

Mrs. P. They mean to be kind but they are rather inquisi- 
tive. 

Au7it. Do tell! Well I reckon they won't get much out 
of me, if they try to quiz. I guess they are curious to know 
where Crawford is, that's it isn't it? 

Mrs. S. Yes. Oh! Aunt Dorcas they have told awful 
stories about him. They have got into their heads that he 
has run away or committed some crime or I don't know what 
dreadful things. 

Aunt. I'll fix em! Just let them come to me with such 
lies about my nephew Crawford Smith and I'll be up with 
their talk. I told Uncle Silas, says I, Carrie's lonesome down 
there without any of her folks and I'll go and cheer her up 
a little. I 'aint much of a hand to visit but I would do most 
anything for Crawford and his wife. 

3/r8. *S^. Aunt Dorcas, he will never forgive mo. 

Aunt. Why what in conscience have you done? You look 
scared to death. 

Mrs. S. He told me not to let anyone know where he has 
gone, because it is very particular secret business, and an- 
other reporter came and wormed it all out of mo and now he 



22 SHARPS AND FLATS 

is going- to get the murder into liis paper first and I liave 
ruined my husband's chances. 

Aunt. Now Carrie I don't take on so. What in time does 
Crawford go tearing 'round the country on murder business 
for ? 1 tliink these impers do too much meddling into other 
folks' affairs. When Deacon Jones's barn burned down, up . 
come a smart young fellei". "Deacon," says he, "hevyou any 
idea how your barn took fire?" "What's that to you says the 
Deacon?" "Oh, we want to put it in the Sunday Times," says 
he. "It's no concern of yours" says the Deacon, real mad. 
"Bvit the i^ublic expect to know all that is going on" ans- 
wered the man. The Deacon showed him out pretty quick, 
I tell you. He vvarn't going to have no prying round his 
premises and he warn't going to let on that he sot the barn 
on fire himself burnin rubbish on a windy day. 

3£ri<. IS. But do you think Crawford will ever forgive me? 

Aunt. Oh, he'll get over it. He never was a hand to lay 
up things; real sweet tempered, Crawford is, sweet as maple 
sugar. Now don't you worry yourself over that. We'll fly 
around and slick up a little and have a nice supper when he 
comes, and maybe he'll be home this week. 

3Irs. S. I don't know when he will be home, but you must 
make yourself comfortable here. I'm afraid I can't be very 
cheerful company. 

Aunt. I'll stew you up some camomile tea, then you'll 
feel smarter and w^e'U go round and see the sights. 

Scene 2. Mrs. Maynard/s Parlor, afternoon. Tea is passed 
guests arrive and a song is sung. 

Mrs. Maynard, Mrs. Nott and Mrs. Prime. 

Mrs. M. Have you seen Dolly Riverton to-day? 
Mrs, K. No, they say she won't see anyone and sends 
word to her friends she has a sick headache. 
3Iys. M. Mrs. Smith is sick, Bridget says. 
Mrs. P. I think Dolly has found out some strange story 



SHARPS AND FLATS 23 

about Mrs. Smith. She was seen coming away from there 
crying and nobody has had a glimpse of her since. 

Mrs. N. I have called in twice but I could not get a word 
out of her mother. 

Mrs. P. I have been to Mrs. Smith's door every day but I 
can't get in. Mrs. Smith has a visitor come to see her too. 

All. Who is it? 

Mrs. P. Some old woman from the country, I should 
think. I heard her inquiring the name of the house from 
the janitor. 

3Irs. K. Bridget said it was Mr. Smith's aunt. 

Mrs. M. Don't you think we ought to go and call on her, 
if she is a stranger ? 

All. She must be lonesome. 

Mrs. P, Mrs. Nott, lets you and I go down and ask for her. 

Mrs. M. I would like to see her too. 

Mrs. P. I guess I can get something out of the old lady. 
Such folks are real gossips. She'll tell all she knows. I'll be 
bound. 

Mrs. N. Don't be too sure. We have not fathomed the 
mystery yet. 

3Irs. P. Trust me. I never give up when I undertake a 
thing. 

Scene 3. 

Aunt Dorcas and Bridget. 

Aunt. Sakes alive ! Bridget what does ail Mrs. Smith ? 

B. Jure it was jist so before you come. Nothin' but 
mopin' and takin' on. 

Aunt. Sometimes she chirks up a little and the next min. 
ute she is all down in the mouth again. I wonder if her 
liver is out of order? 

jB. Savin' your presence mam I think the ladies here in 
the house have worried her most out of her senses, the poor 
lamb. 



24 SHARPS AND FLATS 

A^int. She seems dreadful scai-ed for fear that some of 
them will come in. 

B. Dade an they won't set foot inside if I can hinder it 
meddlin', gossipin', pryin' set. 

Aunt. What on airth do they say to stir Carrie up so ? 

B. I can tell you, for they talk to me on the sly every 
chance they get. First comes Mrs. Nott, saft and smooth as 
hutter, and hopes Mrs. Smith has good news from her hus- 
band, poor woman, and then she looks knowing an' kinder 
winks at me as if she suspected something. 

Aunt. For the lands sakes, what is the woman driving- at? 

B. Oh, they are all sot and determined that poor, dear 
Mr. Smith is a swindler or a thafe or something worse. 

Aunt. Where did they get that notion ? 

B. They hatched it up among 'em. There is Mrs. Prime, 
she comes hoverin' around every hour of the da3^ 

Aunt. I'll prime her if 1 get a chance. I want to know if 
folks here haven't any solitary thing to do but jioke into 
other people's business? 

B. Hush! Sure's I'm a livin' here's some of 'em, bent on 
finding out something, be sure. 

Aunt. Show them in, I'll settle them. 

{Enter Mrs. Prime and 3frs. Xott.) 

3frs. N. Oh, good morning Mrs. Smith, I believe you are 
Mr. Smith's aunt. 

Aunt. Yes, mam ; I have that honor. 

Mrs. P. Mr. Smith I believe is absent from home. Poor 
Mrs. Smith, she is placed in rather an awkward position. It 
was most advisable you should come and give her your pro- 
tection. 

Aunt. What do you mean, protection, is her life in dan- 
ger ? 

3/rs. P. Oh, no I. I don't mean that. 

Aunt. Up in Vermont a woman is scared to be alone in 
the house for fear of tramps. I reckon you must have a 
pretty hard set of folks in this house. 



SHARPS AND FLATS. 25 

3Irs. iV. How can you think of such a strange thing- ? 

Aunt. Mayhe Mrs. Smith needs protection from her med- 
dlesome neighbors. 

Mrs. P. Who do you refer to, 

Aunt. Oh, I aint mentioning any names. 

Mrs. P. It seems to me you were getting rather personal. 
We do not come to gossip but it would be the best thing for 
Mrs. Smith if she -would not make such a mystery of her 
affairs. You see I am always plain spoken. 

Aunt. What in the world is there mysterious about Car- 
rie ? 

Mrs. N. You must admit that some things look very 
queer. 

Aunt. I declare you are enough to try the patience of a 
saint. Don't mince matters, but out with it, what has poor 
Carrie done ? 

Mrs. P. It is her husband. 

Aunt. Well, what have you got ag-ainst him ? 

Mrs. JV. She says she don't know where. he is. 

Aunt. Cause he's always movin' about. 

Mrs. P. And Mrs. Nott overheard a conversation — 

Aunt. Hoity, toity, so that is it, is it ? Listening- ! well 
deliver me from such pryin', inquisitive— 

Mrs. N. Excuse me Mrs. Smith, people who live in flats 
with speaking tubes must expect to have their affairs made 
public. 

Aunt. I am thankful I don't have to live so mixed up with 
other folks that they can keep the run of all I'm doing. I 
never heard tell that it was any better to listen through 
speaking tubes than keyholes. I'd just as leave read some- 
body else's letters on the sly. 

Mrs. 2V. It was only a postal card. 

Aunt. Oh, now it leaks out ! So Carrie's correspondence 
warn't safe either. I think she did need protection pretty 
bad. 

Mrs. P. I scorn your insinuations. 



26 SHARPS AND FLATS 

Mrs. N. I am sure I only did what Mrs. Prime thoug-ht I 
oug-ht to do. We can't visit strangers until we know some- 
thing' about them. 

Aunt. Who asked you to visit Mrs. Smith ? Mighty kind 
neighbors you have been. 

Mrs. P. Anyway I think you will be shocked when you 
hear what Mrs. Smith did do on the sly. She has been flirt- 
ing- with the young man Miss fiiverton is engaged to. 

Aunt. I don't believe a word of it. 

Mrs. P. I can prove it. 

Aunt. I'll send for Miss what-you-call-it and find out if she 
made up such a story. 

Mrs. N. Miss Riverton is sick, but it's true all the same. 

Aunt. Sick or no sick, I'll send for her. (Calls Bridget.) 
Go to Mibs Riverton and tell her she is requested to step 
down here a minute. Now we'll see. I'll get to the bottom 
of all these stories. 

Mrs. JV. Please don't think we meant to gossip. 

Aunt. I don't care what you meant to do, you did gossip 
and in a pretty mean way, too. I'll see justice done. I don't 
know much about city ways, but I hope this ain't a sarai)ie 
of New York manners. You have worried Carrie most into 
her g-rave with your silly talk, making mountains out of mole 
hills. 

{Bridget shows in Miss Riverton. R.) 

Miss R. Is poor Mrs. Smith wor-se ; what is the matter? 

Aunt. There ain't anything worse than usual. I want to 
ask you something though — 

Mrs. P. Miss Riverton, be careful what you say, this 
woman wants to drag us all into a libel suit. She is beside 
herself. 

Aunt. You hold your tongue, and let me talk. 

Mrs. 3r. I wish Mrs. Maynard was here, she knows we did 
not mean any harm. 

Aunt. Bridget, go for Mrs. Maynard. We'll see this thing 
through. 



SHARPS AND ?^LATS • 27 

{Bridget shows in 3frs. Maynard. B.) 

Mrs. 31. What has happened, you look as if you were 
holding- a court ? 

Aunt. No, we are holding an inquest on my niece's repu- 
tation. It seems to be all g"one, torn to shreds by the ladies 
present. Mebbe you can help to patch it up though. 

Mrs. N. You did not think there was any harm in read- 
ing that postal card ? 

3frs. P. You know as well as we do that there were very 
strange stories afloat about Mr. Smith. 

Aunt. Who floated 'em, then ? I guess you started 'em. 

Mrs. P. I never met such an impertinent person. I think 
I will go- 

3frs. K. I believe I must go too. 

Aimt. Wait a minute, we have not heard this young lady 
yet. Now Miss Riverton if you will be so kind as to just 
speak out and tell us' if Mrs. Smith has done anything dis- 
graceful. 

3Iiss R. Nothing at all, I have the greatest respect for 
her. 

3£rs. P. But did not Mr. Jenkins call on her ? 

3Ess R. Certainly, on business connected with her hus- 
band, 

Mrs. 31. Her husband! I thought he was an escaped crimi- 
nal. 

Aunt. I'll warrant you, nothing is too bad. 

Miss R. Her husband is a reporter on the Times, away 
obtaining important information for the paper. 

Mrs. N. And he has not deserted her ? 

Mrs. 31. He is not escaping from justice ? 

Mrs. P. What makes her so unhappy ? 

Aunt. 1 guess you will have to answer for that, she is all 
worked up with your gossip. 

Mrs. 31. I am heartily ashamed of myself. 

3lrs. P. [aside] I would like to know what Dolly River- 
ton was crying about yesterday. 



RH^lB^^^i^^KlilH 



28 SHARPS AND FLATS 

Mrs. N. I have learned a lesson to let other people's af- 
fairs alone. 

{Enter Bridget, B.) 
B. Sure here's a teleg-ram for Mrs. Smith, {aside) now 
they'l afther be wonderin' what's in it, the spies. 
Mrs. M. I'm afraid Bridget has reason to mistrust usi 
{Exit Bridget. L. Enter Mrs. Smith. L. with telegram.) 
Mrs. S. Oh, Aunt Dorcas ! oh, Dolly ! here is good news. 
All. What is it ? 
Aunt. Who is it from ? 

Mrs. S. From Mr. Smith, listen : Case gone to smash ! 
man was not murdered after all ; turned up alive ; Jenkins 
and I come home together to-night. 
Miss. B. Then he will forgive me! They have made it up ; 
Mrs. S. And my husband will forgive me. 
Miss B, How foolish I was ! 
Mrs. S. And so was II 

Mrs. M. I hope you will forgive us our unkind gossip. 
Mrs. N. And hereafter let us all live in harmony in Co- 
lumbia Flats. 

Aunt. Flats ! Sharps! I should say! to judge of some of the 
specimens I have seen. 

Miss B. Oh, don't lay up old scores 
But just remember : 

That sharps and flats are often in accord. 
And the melody gives pleasure, 
When our hearts and tonges keep measure, 
In one grand harmonious chorus, at lovers word I 



BY- 



ARRIA S. HUNTINGTON, 

A HARVEST NIGHTS' DREAM 

AN OPERETTA 



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